


My last letter

by asamandra



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Depression, Group Marriage, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Suicide, they think Clint is a pedophile
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:53:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asamandra/pseuds/asamandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint's suicide note...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt at Avengerskink: [Clint centric, OT6 polyamory TRIGGER WARNING! past child sexual abuse, depression, suicide](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/16019.html?thread=34375059#t34375059)
> 
> Inspired by several different prompts/fills, blended toghether.
> 
> The Avengers are in the beginning or about to enter a polyamorous relationship toghether, because, you know, they all love each other and are a family and stuff.
> 
> The only one with doubts is Clint. Clint is not not at all sure they love him. After all, he was abused and ran away as a child, joined the circus, and there suffered sever sexual abuse as well. It's not an understatement that he has a hard time trusting people.
> 
> Clint do have one memoribilia from his time at the circus, though, something he’s never gotten rid off because he never want to forget how helpless he was. It’s a video tape, shot during a night he got raped by several different men. And then, somehow, one of the other Avengers find it, thinking it’s just some regular porn Clint has hidden in his closet, and desides to watch it, trying to figure out what turns Clint on, since he’s always a little off during their times toghether. Which leads to the other findingo ut as well.
> 
> Clint has never told anyone about what he went through during his time at the circus, and he sure as hell isn’t going to do it now, now that some good stuff finally come his way.  
> Butt hen, they do find out. And not only do they find out, they throw him off the team, telling him he’s disgusting and sick. But the thing is, the others have no idea that the boy in the video is Clint. And Clint doesn’t know that they don’t know it’s him. He figures they don’t want to have anything to do with him now that they’ve seen him being gang raped. That he’s spoiled goods. And Clint can’t blame them. He knows he’s digusting, too.
> 
> So Clint leave and plunges right into depression, finally desiding to end his life. But before he goes, he pen his suicide letter, addressing it to Steve, since he is the most likely to not just delete it, where he desperatly try to explaine that he didn’t want it, that he was a child when thoat video tape was made, and that although that’s no excuse, he hopes the others one day can forgive him.
> 
> If the other Avengers saves Clint in time or if they’re too late is up to the filler. Happy-ish ending or tragic ending, I don’t really care.
> 
> God, I hate myself for putting poor Clint through all this. Runs off to hide in a dark corner now.

Dear Steve,

I hope you don't throw away this letter immediately. 

When you read this, then I'm dead by my own hand. But I didn't want to go without an explanation why I did this. I hope you can tell the others. And maybe, just maybe, understand me, at least a little bit and I regret that it has to end this way but believe me when I say I can understand you.

I was really honored to be part of this team. And even if I couldn't always show it, I really loved you. All of you. After all what happened in my life it was not easy for me to show trust, but believe me, I did trust you. It was nice to know that there were people who cared for me without wanting something in return, who didn't see the tainted brat I was, who only saw who I had become. I'm sorry that it didn't last and that you had to find it out this way. 

I know you all read my file as I read yours. But there isn't everything in it and you need to know everything to understand. You know that I ran away with my brother when we were kids, but the file didn't say why. It was because my brother wanted to save me and himself from our father. I was six years old when he came to me the first time. I didn't know that it was wrong what he did, all I knew was that it hurt so much and my mother couldn't help me because he beat the shit out of her when she tried. I was ten when we had finally managed to run away. We became part of Carson's carnival of traveling wonders. And it was nice at first. They didn't ask questions. When the authorities came they told them we were the kids of some of the carnies. We had to work hard for our living but it was okay, nothing we couldn't handle. 

At the circus I've met Trick Shot, the best Marksman in the world. And he saw that I had a talent and said, he would teach me. I became his personal assistant, I worked only for him and Swordsman henceforward and they taught me how to shoot with a bow, with a gun, with a rifle and to fight with a sword or with my bare hands. The two became my mentors. I didn't know that I had to pay them someday. When I was thirteen, Swordsman called me to his trailer and there was this man. He paid for my service, the special service as Trick Shot called it. I didn't want it, please believe me. I fought but the man was so big and he held me down and once again it hurt so bad. They said, if I want to stay at the circus I had to pay them for my stay and for Barney's. That was, when they made the tape you saw. I know, I should've fought harder but I was fourteen years old and they were six grown men but I know now that this is not an excuse. I discovered that tape a few years later, when I finally fought against Trick Shot. I killed him, you know that. He had the tape, all of them, in his safe. I didn't know why I kept this one. Maybe to remind myself who I was once and who I had become, maybe to just remind myself that I didn't want to be this helpless ever again.

Then, after the incident with Loki and the Chitauri, I became a member of your team. And for the first time I felt accepted. No one at SHIELD ever trusted me like you did. They always saw the killer, the spy, the dumb ex-carnie. They tolerated me but they never trusted me, except Natasha and Phil and it is my fault that Phil is dead now. I helped Loki with his plan and I killed my colleagues and one of the few friends I had died because of me. But none of you ever blamed me for it and it felt so good. I know, it was selfish to not tell you but it was the first time I got accepted and I didn't want to screw it up. But I guess that was my mistake, wasn't it? I should've gone long before you found out that I'm only damaged goods. You've been right to throw me out of the team.

I should've told you. I know that now but I hoped, I really hoped, that it would be different this time, that maybe you could accept me the way I am. When this 'thing' started between us (yes, I still say us), it felt good, like family, like family should be and even if I wasn't able to show it to you most of the time, I loved you and I still love you and I know that I failed you, that I soiled that wonderful relationship. But I hope someday you all can forgive me. 

I decided to end my life because I don't want to live without all of you, can't live without you. Since I left New York I miss you all. Every day I wake up and I feel so empty and I know it's my own fault. But I can't do anything against it. I still love you and I miss you and this life is inane without you. I screwed it up and I deserve to be alone but I can't stand it any longer. And so, this is my last letter. Please, forgive me what I've done to you.

Love, Clint

PS: I know I'm asking a lot but maybe you could arrange that I don't get buried but cremated and my ashes get spread over the ocean. Maybe some fisherman can do it.


	2. Chapter 2

“Fury just called.” Tony said when he entered the living room where Steve sat at the couch and read a letter. “They found Barton.”

“He's dead, isn't he?” Steve asked but didn't look up at Tony.

“Yes. That coward shot himself. He... How did you know?” Tony said and took a seat at the couch as well.

“Tony.” Steve said and now the genius could see the tears in his eyes.

“Steve...” He tried once again. 

“Shut up!” Steve snapped when he saw his furious glance Tony shut up. Steve wiped away the tears.

“Okay. What is wrong?” Tony asked.

“We, Tony. We were wrong. We were so wrong.” He stood and walked over to Tony and plunked the letter down in front of him. 

“Is that from Barton? He wrote you?” Tony asked and took the letter. 

“Read it.” Steve said and paced. 

 

_“Where did you find it?” Clint asked and looked at Steve with an unreadable expression on his face._

_“Does it matter?” Steve glared at him and held the videotape in his hand._

_“I don't know. Does it?” Clint was pale like a sheet._

_“Tony found it, if you want to know.”_

_“Have you... have you seen it?” He cautiously asked._

_“Yes, we all have seen it.”_

_“I... I can explain it.” He said and swallowed._

_“You want to explain why you have something like that? You're disgusting, Clint.”_

_“Steve, please...” Clint started again but Steve just shook his head._

_“I suggest you... you get your stuff and leave.”_

_“Please, I...”_

_“I don't want to hear your excuses. This is so sick.”_

_“Can... can I have it back?” He asked before Steve could leave the room._

_“What? Are you nuts? Of course not. No!” Steve looked at him and shook his head once again and Clint could clearly see that he was disgusted._

_“Steve, please... it's...” Clint started but found himself slammed into the nearest wall by a very furious Captain America._

_“This... you will never get this back. Leave now, before I throw you out.” Clint finally nodded and went for his room to get his stuff._

 

“Oh god.” Tony said with a strangled voice. He was green and slapped his hand over his mouth while he ran to the bathroom. Steve followed him and found him leaning over the bowl and puking. 

“I know.” Steve said and looked like he wanted to join Tony. 

“What's going on here?” They heard Natasha's voice and she came around the corner, saw Tony at the floor in front of the john and shook her head.

“You shouldn't drink when you can't hold your liquor.” She smirked but then she saw that both men were pale like ghosts.

“Steve? What's going on?” She asked once again, looking at Cap with a really bad feeling in her guts.

“There's a letter on the table. You should read it.” He said and Natasha could hear in his voice that it was something really bad. 

“You okay?” Steve asked Tony but the other man just shook his head. 

“No.” He whispered and Steve could see a tear in his eye. That moment they heard a cry from the living room. Natasha.

“Go, look after her.” Tony said and Steve nodded. 

 

_“Please, Tony. I can explain it. I...” Clint pleaded and wanted to touch his arm but Tony withdrew it violently._

_“Don't touch me, you sick fuck.” He growled at the younger man._

_“You leave my tower within the next twenty minutes. Otherwise I throw you out myself. And if I ever see you again within a mile radius around here, you have to go with me and my suit for a few rounds.”_

_“It's...” Clint once again started but Tony glared at him murderous._

_“It's not what it looks like? Is that what you want to tell me? You are so disgusting. It nauseates me that I ever called you friend, that I ever touched you, that I ever let you touch me.. I have to sanitize the whole building now.”_

_“I'm sorry.” He said and with a defeated look on his face he turned to leave._

 

“Natasha.” Steve said and sat down beside her. She held the letter in her hand and stared into space.

“Natasha.” He repeated. “Please...” 

“I failed him.” She finally turned her head and looked at him with a pained expression on her face. “Oh god, Steve, I failed him.”

“We all did...” He said and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

“Not as much as me.” She shook her head.

“Nat...” 

“I owe him my life. He saved me so many times.”

“Please, we...” 

“I should have trusted him. I could always trust him. SHIELD sent him to kill me but he decided against his orders and saved my life... He never lied to me, Steve. He promised me once that he would never lie to me and he never did... but when he needed me the most I didn't trust him.” 

“You're not alone. We all failed him.” 

“Did you tell Bruce and Thor?” She suddenly asked and when Steve shook his head she said, “Call them. They deserve to know.”

“You're right.” 

 

_“How could you do this?” She asked and glared at him._

_“Please not you, too.” He said on his way to the elevator. He wanted to brush aside her but she grabbed his shoulder and slammed him into the wall._

_“I trusted you, Clint. How could you do this?”_

_“I tried to explain twice but no one wants to listen.” He said and he really looked miserable right now._

_“You know what they did to me in Red Room.”_

_“Of course I know and that's why...”_

_“Why's he still here?” Tony yelled, when he saw the two of them._

_“Because I talk to him.” Natasha said, but Clint took this opportunity and freed himself out of her grip and entered the waiting elevator cabin._

 

“You said we should come. What's the matter?” Bruce asked and entered the penthouse with Thor in tow. They found Steve at the couch in the living room, holding a very upset Natasha in his arms and Tony, white like a sheet, sitting in an armchair. 

“It's about Clint.” Tony said.

“I don't want to talk about that bastard.” Bruce wanted to turn around and leave.

“Bruce, wait. It's... he's dead. They found him in a motel in Waverly, Iowa. He shot himself.” 

“Good. After all...” Bruce said but then he heard a sob and saw a tear leave Natasha's eye and he stopped himself.

“Steve, what happened?” Thor asked then.

“That tape we found... that was him... the boy in the tape... it was Clint.” 

“No.” Bruce shook his head and looked green around the edges. 

“Are you sure?” Thor asked and Tony nodded and handed them the letter and they read it together. Tony rose, walked over to his bar, poured himself a good amount of Scotch and left the living room with the glass in his hand.

“Oh god, what have we done?” 

“We failed him, Bruce.” Steve said and wiped away a tear himself. 

“Where's Tony?” Thor asked and saw, that the genius wasn't in the room anymore. 

“Jarvis? Where's Tony?” Steve asked and the AI said, that he went to his workshop. He looked at Thor who seemed relatively calm, at least more than the rest of them. 

“Can you look after him?” He asked and the Asgardian nodded and left the room. Bruce went over to the bar, grabbed the first bottle with alcohol and drank directly from the bottle. 

 

_“I can't understand it, Clint. After all what you said your father did to you... you have something like that?” Bruce was still shocked. He met Clint on his way out of the building in the lobby of the tower._

_“Bruce, please. I... I can explain it. Please, let me explain it to you. It's not....”_

_“I know, it's not what we think it is. It's just a misunderstanding and you don't know how you got that tape. You...” The irony was so untypical for the scientist that Clint had to swallow when he heard it._

_“Okay. I get it. You don't want to hear it.” He shouldered his duffel bag and took his bow case, but he couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice. “I'm sorry.” He said and Bruce could see a tear in his eye. “I really am.”_

_Without looking back Clint left the building. He walked to his motorcycle he had parked outside and when he discovered, that he couldn't drive with his duffel bag and the bow case, he looked around, spotted the small back road where he knew were garbage containers and he threw the bow case into one of the containers. When he went back to his motorcycle Thor was there but when he saw him turning and walking away from him with the same disgusted glance in his eyes all the others had he climbed onto his bike and drove away. Bruce saw it, saw him leave without his bow. But he was so angry at the younger man, that he ignored the small feeling of remorse and went to the gym to meditate to get his anger under control. He nodded at Thor, who passed him with a grim expression on his face._

 

Thor entered the workshop and found Tony sitting on one of the workbenches and looking at the holographic screen in front of him, watching the tape again. He saw the helpless boy being dragged into a room, saw him struggling violently without having a chance, saw the waiting men, saw the fear on his face and now he knew that it was Clint, he saw the man they threw out, they failed so badly. 

“Can you see it, Thor?” He asked. Tony stopped the tape, enlarged the image section. “Do you know how often I said to him that I love his beautiful eyes. They were tricolored. Can you see it?” He pointed at the screen.

“Tony...” Thor started but the other man ignored him. He stared at the pained expression on the young boy's face, the wide open eyes, the fear, the shame. 

“Jarvis, can you age that picture?” It took just a few seconds and then they saw Clint's face as they knew it. 

“Oh god, Thor. What have we done?” Tony once again said. “He tried to explain it. No one wanted to listen. He thought, that we threw him out because he's been raped.” 

“Tony, please...” Thor tried again. 

“He thought, we were disgusted by him because of what these men did to him. These and all the others who forced themselves on him. He thought, we didn't love him because he's tainted.” Tony still stared at the frozen image of Clint. “It's our fault that he's dead now and we never ever can make up for it. It's too late. He died and he thought that we hated him because of these motherfuckers who raped him.” Tony felt Thor beside him, sitting down at the workbench and putting his arm around his shoulder. 

“Tony...” Thor said and pulled Tony up to himself. 

“No, Thor. I... I can't do that. Not now.” He freed himself from the Asgardian's embrace. “I always call myself genius, tell that everyone. But I never came up with the idea to just check that tape. What kind of friend am I? With friends like me you don't need enemies.” Thor saw the desperate expression in his features but he didn't knew what to do because he himself felt the same way.

“Please Tony, don't do that to yourself. We all failed him.” Thor said. “Come on, come with me. Let's go back to the others.” 

“Why? What can they do?” Tony asked and angrily wiped away the tears. “What can we do? There's nothing we can do. We're too late.” 

“We can bring him home.” Thor said and looked at Tony.

“I'm not sure that we have the right to do it.” He shook his head.

“He wrote that he still loves us. Maybe we didn't deserve it. But we can accompany him on his last way. That's the least we can do for him.” Tony heard a noise at the door and saw Steve, Bruce and Natasha enter the workshop as well and when they saw the aged picture, the pained face of the friend they all failed so badly they nearly lost it.

“Thor is right.” Steve said. They heard his last words.

“We bring him home and we're here for him on his last way.” Bruce added. 

“We weren't there for him when he really needed us. Do you think he would want our attendance now?” Tony yelled. “Didn't you read the letter?” 

“Tony...” Steve started and tried to stop the furious pacing man.

“He wrote, we should stay away. He wants someone complete stranger to spread his ashes, not us.” 

“I guess he just wanted us not to be bothered with his request.” Steve said.

“No, Steve. We don't deserve it.” 

“Do you really want to stay away? Let him be alone once again? Let his ashes be spread by a completely stranger?” Natasha asked now.

“No, of course not. Oh god, I don't know anything right now.” Tony broke down, sat on the floor and cried and Natasha just held him in her arms. 

“Come on, Tony. Let's bring him home.” Bruce came over as well as Thor. 

“Okay. Let us at least fulfill his last wish.”


	3. Chapter 3

They had done good work at the funeral home. The dead man seemed as if he just were asleep. He wore his Avengers battle armor Tony made for him. Bruce stood in front of the open casket, fought against the tears and held something in his hands. 

“Hello, Clint.” He said and fiddled with the item he brought with him.

“I... I'm here to say that I'm sorry. I know, it's too late but... I should've listened to you. You tried to talk to me before you left. I can't imagine what you've been through because of us and... I'm sorry. I found this in the garbage container and I thought...” He took the item he brought and shoved it under Clint's hands. It was his folded bow. “Believe me, I would do anything to make it up to you. I failed you, we all did and... Wherever you are, I hope you can forgive me. I love you and I miss you.” 

Bruce left the small chapel and patted Thor's shoulder, who waited outside to bid farewell. 

He entered the room. It was so different to any funeral he'd ever been. But this was another culture and so he tried to adapt. But he wasn't sure what to do right now. They said, he could say goodbye but Clint couldn't hear him anymore so he just looked at him in the coffin. Someone, presumably Bruce, had given him his bow back. Thor had seen that Clint threw it away before he left. So, they give dead warriors their weapons. That's not different to Asgard. He wore his battle uniform. That also is similar to home. 

“Farewell, brother.” He finally said. “I hope we meet again in Valhalla in Bilskirnir. It was an honor to have fought by your side.” He took the dagger he had by his side, the one he once had gotten from his brother, and placed it beside the bow before he left the room. 

Steve came an hour later. No one was in the small chapel. He sat down on one of the chairs in the back, folded his hands and prayed silently. 

“Eternal rest, grant unto him O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.” He finished his prayers. 

He made the sign of the cross and finally rose and walked up to the casket. He saw that someone put Clint's bow and a dagger under his folded hands.

“Oh god, Clint. I'm so sorry. It was my job as the team leader to talk to you but I only accused you. I wish I had listened to you. I wish I could turn back time.” Tears welled up and ran over his face. 

“I always lecture everyone the principles of innocent till proven guilty and I condemned you without giving you the chance to defend yourself. You've done nothing wrong but it's been you who begged for our forgiveness while we failed you. Although we should have pleaded for your forgiveness on our knees. All the pain and the shame, the violence and the abuse you've been through... I can't imagine it, Clint. And then you've finally found some peace and we, we destroyed it. We're the worst scum. Wherever you are, I hope you found the peace you deserve.”

With the back of his hand he stroked over Clint's face and he was shocked how cold he felt. He wiped away the tears and left. In the hallway he stumbled upon Tony. But the two just nodded at each other and then Steve left and Tony entered the chapel.

“Hello, Clint.” He started and looked at him. He saw the bow and the dagger and the uniform he made for him.

“I don't know how to start. First of all, I'm sorry for what I said to you. I could say I didn't know but you tried to tell us and we... me... didn't let you. If I hadn't snooped around in your belongings then maybe all this wouldn't have happened. Maybe you would've found the trust to tell us someday. What I've said that day... you're not disgusting. I am. I'm so sorry. It would've taken just a few seconds to tell us about the tape but none of us let you. 

But maybe you're glad to hear, that I've found the men who did this to you. Five of them are still alive and now they have to face jail. One died in a car accident nine years ago. I found the circus, Carsons's carnival. It still exists. The FBI-Agent I talked to said, that they have a lot of tapes. You haven't been the only one... you know. They freed three children who had to perform there like you. Agent Cross said that many, many men will go to jail now.” Tony had started to pace.

“Clint, there's one more thing. I've thought about setting a foundation to help abused and raped children in your name. Would that be okay with you?” He asked as if he awaited an answer.  


“No child should have to endure what you've been through. We, Pepper and me, we found a wonderful woman. She's a social worker and helps children who are abused. With this foundation she can do so much more for them. I know, it can't make up for what we did to you but... you know... maybe prevent that others have to... to face... you know. Oh god, Clint. I'm not good with these things. I hope you can forgive me... us... for what we've done to you. I loved you. You're missed. Oh, and... I thought... maybe you're okay with it that I'm going to spread your ashes. I won't let anyone else touch it.” He leaned over the coffin and kissed his forehead. 

After Tony left it got quiet in the room. No one came for a long time. Natasha sneaked in after nightfall. The undertaker locked up some time ago but that's never been a problem for her. It was dark, only the moon threw light through the window. The door opened and she came in.

“I wasn't sure if I could do it.” She said in Russian. “I failed you so badly, Clint. You never let me down and I... I didn't trust you. The one time where it's been really necessary and I let you down.” She took one of the chairs and placed it in front of the coffin and sat down on the backrest, her feet on the seat. 

“I see, they brought your bow. It's good. I knew what you've done with it. I've seen it. And I've seen that Bruce fetched it, later that evening.” A single tear formed on the edge of her left eye.  


“Why have you done this, Clint. You could've written a letter to Steve without killing yourself.” She wiped away the tear and swallowed.

“You can't imagine how much I miss you. I love the others but it's not the same with them. You could understand me on a level they never will understand. I should've protected you. You saved me so often and I let you down. I should've been there for you. I can never forgive myself for letting you down. I love you.” She rose and kissed him before she left.

 

 

 

_'It's time to go now, Clint.'_

_'I know, Phil. I just wanted to see them for the last time.'_

_'You've seen them. And now it's time for you to come.'_

_'Yes. I'm coming. Phil?'_

_'What is it, Clint?'_

_'Will they miss me?'_

_'Have you missed me?'_

_'Every day. Every hour. Every minute.'_

_'And they will miss you. They will always know, what they've done and that they could've prevented it.'_

_'Phil, did you took it amiss that it was my fault that you died?'_

_'It wasn't your fault. It was Loki's. And no, I forgave him... and you.'_

_'Do I have to forgive them?'_

_'You already have. That's why I'm here. If you still had unfinished business, I would have waited.'_

_'But will they know that I've forgiven them?'_

_'I'm afraid, they won't.'_

_'Will I see them again?'_

_'When their time has come, you'll see them again.'_

_'Can I be the one to come for them then?'_

_'Of course you can. It is always a beloved one who accompanies you.'_

_'Phil, that light over there... Is that it?'_

_'Yes, that's it. Come on, Clint. Let's get you home.'_

_'Okay, Phil. It's so beautiful...'_

 

 

**One year later**

“What's that, Tony?” Thor asked and looked at the small box. It's the first anniversary of Clint's death and they sat in the living room and remembered him with the sjaund, an Asgardian rite. They drank ale and then Tony had given every one of them such a box.

“Open it.” They all, one after the other, opened the boxes.

There were rings in them. White gold with a band of platinum and a tiny diamond embedded in it. 

“Okay, you've got us matching rings.” 

“I... the diamonds, they are no natural diamonds. I withheld a small amount of Clint's ashes and... I know someone who could make diamonds out of carbon and... and I thought so we would never ever forget Clint and what we've done to him. I let him make diamonds... most of the ashes is spread, like he wanted to, but...”

“Why are they purple?” Natasha asked.

“Funny thing. He said, they usual are white or blue but this ones turned purple without coloring them.” 

Steve smiled and put the ring onto his finger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add another chapter... the idea stuck in my head for quite some time now...

**26 years later**

“How bad is it?” Steve asked Natasha and took her hand.

“The doctor said we should... we should... if we want to say goodbye we should do it now.” She squeezed his hand. 

“What about...” Steve started again.

“Director Hill sent a jet to Cambridge to get Clint and Peter and one to Princeton to get Ashley and Anthony.” 

“That's good.” Bruce said, when he closed the door to Tony's room. 

“How is he, Bruce.” Natasha said when she saw him swallow really hard.

“I don't think that...” Steve laid one arm around his shoulders and held the other man when he started to sob. “Sorry, I...” 

“I know.” Steve said. They heard footsteps and saw two of their four children arrive.

“Dads? Mom?” Clint said and looked at the three of them.

“How is he?” Peter asked and looked at Bruce.

“He'll be glad to see you.” Bruce murmured and patted the young man's shoulder. 

“Can we go in?” Clint asked and Bruce nodded. Peter opened the door and Clint followed his brother. 

“Hey, dad.” He greeted Tony when the old man opened his eyes. 

“Peter!” He smiled and when he saw the other boy his smile got even broader. “Clint.” 

“Hello, daddy.” They both approached the bed in the middle of the room. It was awful to see him in this condition. He was pale, all his hair were gone from the chemotherapy, he wore a beanie to cover his head and his thin arms lay on the quilt over his haggard body. Pepper sat beside him and held his hand. 

“Hi, mom.” Clint kissed her cheek and Peter hugged her. 

“You look good,” Clint finally said when he sat beside Tony and took his hand.

“Liar,” Tony coughed but the smile was still present on his face. “How are things at MIT?” He asked. 

“Good, the ARC4 I've built is working perfectly. Thanks for the tips. From the new students I've got this semester there are a two really promising. The new building you've sponsored is nearly done and the dean hoped that you would come to the ribbon-cutting ceremony.” He said and he saw Tony nod slightly. 

“I'd like that. But I guess you have to take my place, my boy.” 

“No, please. Don't say that, dad.” Peter took his other hand. “I want to have you at my graduation in a few weeks. You know, the first Stark in Harvard, you've said.” 

“I know, but let's face it, Pete. I...” he coughed again and this time there was blood on his lips. “I guess, this won't happen, my boy.” 

“Dad!” The door opened and the twins came in, both rushing to Tony's side. Clint and Pete rose to let their siblings to their father. 

“Ashley, Anthony.” Tony smiled again and when he saw Steve, Bruce, Natasha, Thor and Jane enter as well he realized his whole family was there.

He smiled and closed his eyes. Just for one minute. 

 

_'Clint?'_

_'Hello, Tony'_

_'What are you doing here?'_

_'I'm here to accompany you.'_

_'Am I...'_

_'Yes, Tony.'_

_'But...'_

_'See, your whole family was there for you in your last minutes.'_

_'They are hurting.'_

_'Yes, they will miss you.'_

_'Why are you here?'_

_'It is always a beloved one who accompanies you.'_

_'A beloved one?'_

_'Or would you rather Nick accompanies you?'_

_'No, I just thought...'_

_'I always loved you. All of you, I've said that, didn't I? My love never died.'_

_'What we've done to you...'_

_'Don't... It's forgotten and forgiven.'_

_'How? How could you forgive us?'_

_'Because I love you. I've seen what you've done afterwards, Tony. All the children you've helped since then.'_

_'I've named my biological son after you.'_

_'Yes, I've seen it. I'm here for some time now. I've waited for you.'_

_'Clint, there's a light over there.'_

_'It's for you, Tony. Do you want to go home?'_

_'What about them?'_

_'They will hurt for some time and then they will get better. They will still miss you. Like you've missed me.'_

_'Yes, we've missed you and it had hurt so bad.'_

_'I know and I'm sorry, Tony. But it will be better.'_

_'Will I see them again?'_

_'Of course. When their time has come we'll accompany them.'_

_'Really? I'd like that.'_

_'Let's go home, Tony.'_

_'Oh, Clint! This is so beautiful...'_

 

**One year later**

It was the first anniversary of Tony's death. The whole Stark family was there in the tower, Steve, Bruce, Thor, Natasha, Pepper, Jane, Clint and his boyfriend Tom, Peter and his girlfriend Samantha, Ashley and her boyfriend Rodney and Anthony. They held the sjaund for Tony, drank ale, talked about him and then Steve rose and left the room. 

Two minutes later he came back with a few black and a few blue boxes. He handed the black boxes to Bruce, Thor and Natasha and one he put in front of himself. 

And then he took the blue boxes and gave Pepper, Jane, Peter, Ashley and Anthony one of them. 

There was only one black box left. 

“Clint, you are the oldest of our children. You should get Tony's ring.” Steve said and handed the young man the last black box.

“It was Tony's idea. He got us matching rings.” Steve, Bruce, Thor and Natasha opened their boxes and put their rings back onto their fingers. Beside the purple diamond was a red one now. 

Pepper, Jane, Peter, Ashley and Anthony opened their boxes as well. The rings were identical, but they had only a red diamond.

“The stones are not natural. They are made. We withheld a small amount of Tony's ashes to make diamonds of it. The ring shall remind us that we're only strong when we stand together. As a family.”

“Dad?” Anthony asked. “The red diamond is Daddy Tony's ashes. But what's with the purple one on your rings?”

“It will remind us of the one time we failed.” Steve said and Natasha, Bruce and Thor nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> [asamandra on tumblr](http://asamandra.tumblr.com/)


End file.
